Before The TED Talk -An Autobiography Part 2

“It took me 6 months to score an admission, and those 6 months I was once again in the closet. I mean I literally didn't talk to anyone, and I was all socially awkward back. But once I reached my University that was away from my own city, I chose like most out-of-state students to stay on-campus. This gave me a whole new way to look at my life and learn new things.

Living in a hostel, on-campus taught me a lot of things, from how can people manipulate you to do something for them and then leave you right in the middle and also taught me how to make new friends. It taught me how to survive on my own and the best part, it brought out from within me my hidden sarcastic self. Sometimes, I do hate my sarcastic self. Still, this sarcastic self within me later proved to be one reason I was liked by the audience at open-mics and stand-ups.

Living in the hostel made me independent, I learned how to tackle my situations alone, and I became this contained person. I showed everyone the happy side within me, but never did share my pains or traumas. I can remember, there was this roommate of mine. He asked me to move out of the room that initially belonged to me because he wasn’t very comfortable with the habit of me working late. ”

“You didn’t leave? Did you?”

“I did it! I changed my room and moved in with my seniors. That move began a whole new era in my life. The seniors were like good friends. I treated them as my confidants, I mean one of them specifically. We used to go to movies, travel, and dinners. We even set-up our University’s first-ever coin collectors society and debate society. Things started to shape-up. I coped with what's around me, and it was then when I contacted my old best friend, Soban. We talked about that day for an hour like filling in all the details for the past years.”

“So now everything was on track?”

“You spoke too soon, bro!”

“Yeah! Now I did consider my roommate as a confidant, but you know if someone knew your intimate details and the fact that you respect them a lot they'll misuse it?”

“Kind of”

“In my case, this person did occasionally use that against me. Well! I am still not sure whether it was intentional or unintentional. There had been times I trusted him and in some cases had a blind trust but we all know how that story ends? I mean, if you’re crossing a road blindfolded, you’re bound to crash every now or then.

I won't be exaggerating if I say that I designed my life around them. I would always put them before me. There had been times I had neglected what I really wanted and opted for something they wanted, just to ensure their happiness.”

“But Why?”

“Well! I had no idea! Till to date, I cannot explain it. I am happy I met them. I have some great memories with them, and moreover, as people connect with each other, I did meet some great people or rather great stories, which would eventually be the reason behind my success. I don't have grudges against them, but the grudges are against me. I am still friends with them, just that it's not the same.

At that time, I did meet two other people. One of them was a perfect definition of countrymen. He was a man with simple words and pure thoughts and was himself trying to adjust in the glitz and glams of the city-side. I shared excellent quality time with him, especially when there was this massive wave of crypto-currency.”

“What?”

“Yeah! You would hardly see anyone using a 3rd generation i3 to mine crypto coins. Anyone can distinctly identify him because of his same old black coat. I mean I don’t know, maybe it was the fact that he paid for some of my hostel dues that he couldn’t get a new one. To this day, it’s a mystery.”

He laughed hysterically

“Well, that was Zubair for you or like said by one of my friends, ‘pendu’, which is an Urdu mock word for people who are from a village.”

“I am presuming, it would be a girl who mocked him?”

“Hahaha! Yes. He still remembers this to date.

Well then came in the era of final year projects and my last year project was research-oriented, and I put my soul into it. Working late hours, not having to sleep and whatnot. After all, we were making something almost from scratch. To top-it-all, my honorable supervisor had no knowledge of the subject matter. He did know the theory of it, but it didn’t make much difference. Finally running between places and institutes, we gathered all the assumptions we needed and started to build upon it. It was then I met someone whom I would keep in touch for long and would be learning one of the most critical lessons in life. 

He was someone I would say just like me, he was a year younger. We worked together on the project and eventually, after three weeks to four weeks of work, we finally got it up and running. It was then when I admired that fellow. Still, it was sometime later when we were participating in a hackathon he said something that I have knotted onto me till to-date. We were trying to run another algorithm and were having a terrible time when he said, ‘I don’t believe the algorithm is wrong, it’s the probably our execution that’s wrong.’”

“Woah! That’s so deep. I mean, yes! Someone did that thing before us which means it can be done if we’re unable to do it, it’s because of us not because the algorithm is wrong. That’s so true.”

“Exactly! This later stood as the touchstone of times when I failed and wanted to quit. I am sure Gibran had no idea of what he said or probably how it affected me personally. Anyways, we completed the project, and we also had the second position in the university’s open house project exhibition. But soon came a time when I started to hate the project.”

“Why? Didn’t you say you put your blood into it?.”

“Well, that project became a source of a headache, and everyone wanted a piece of it. It started with my supervisor, trying to take all the credit and writing a research paper. Moreover, he wanted us to be in his company so that he could sell the project and he asked students to pitch in PKR 1000/- which I had no problem with. Still, I didn’t want someone else to get credit for something they didn’t even do. My FYP-Partner, he tried to keep each piece for himself. Well, that’s what I heard. Now I wouldn’t say he hadn’t done anything for the project. He did put his efforts, but that doesn’t mean he gets to keep every piece of it. Anyhow, I let it go, but not without a war. I had the final copy of it, and I encrypted it and here’s the best part: I don't even have the encryption key."

"What?" 

"Yeah! I mean I had it but I lost it. So that project is lost." 

"That's viscous! "

"Better safe than Sorry. Anyhow, one thing that helped me along my pathway was Music and Poetry. Not only did it keep my head up, but I met great friends. I never knew I would get such a good friend just because I knew how to play strings right. I would say I was playing it right, not good. Anyhow, Faryal was a great person I met. At times, she was there with the best advice. We had weird kinds of talks along the way, and mostly she used to get mad at people I used to get mad at. I mean, we used to share similar emotions. I have no idea how we connected so much. On my resume, she is still one of my recommendations, probably the best one, and I learned so much from her.

The last month at my University was spent just finishing it. It was the same time my mother and sister moved into the city where I had my University, and I didn't have to live in the hostel anymore. The hostel was like a second home to me, and hence it was hard for me to move out. The hostel did change me a lot, I was this whole new person having a great social life with countless memories, and as it's said, every good thing comes to an end.

Although I met a lot of people that I would remember, courtesy of my hostel, one amongst them is a junior. No! Not Gibran, it was someone because of whom I met Gibran eventually, Athar Jan. Now me having a Last name matching his First name could be a coincidence or not, I don't know, but we did connect on many grounds. Now, he may be a lazy and hopelessly romantic guy who never found love, but he is a true friend. He genuinely cares for his friends, and if you ever need someone to find profiles on Facebook, well he is your guy".

"What? You better drop his number before you leave."

"Sure, will! Anyhow, University ended and I was anxiously waiting for that desired job to happen, which they told me I got into. Still, despite all the wait, I never got a call letter, and they kept on giving me false claims. That job was a dream job, and therefore I kept on turning down numerous jobs for its sake. Days turn into months, and I grew anxious I want to do something? I mean a year has passed since I graduated and I am waiting for something I don’t even know I would ever get or not.

This was probably the worst time I ever had, and I never felt this low of myself, but looking at that time today I am happy I get to live it. Do you know why?”

“Why?”

“Do you remember that iconic dialogue from the dark knight, ‘Whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stranger’. It is not just a lie. It’s a philosophy. Surely, whatever doesn’t kill you, it sure does toughen you up. Still, these harsh events scar you and change you sometimes positively sometimes negatively.”

“What about you? How did it change you?”

“Well! For one thing, if the change wasn’t positive no one would call me for a TED-talk.”

“Ha! Well, that does make sense! What’s next?”

“This time, I visited Dubai and had a break from all that not-having-a-job chaos. I did try to work as a freelancer, and I did succeed in it but not technically. It was again me going in my closet because I hate to discuss my downs with people, and I started to wear numerous masks. I had different covers for different people. I began to tell everyone a modified version of my real story and at times, made-up tale. After all, I had to save face.

After reaching the lowest on the sine curve, I finally had an offer to join that dream. With that, I had two other offers, one was from Malaysia and the other of presenting a paper at a conference held in San Diego. It was like choosing the one, and I knew I had been making bad decisions for long, and I knew who can fix them up for me.

I was already travelling Karachi, so I used that as an opportunity to get the decision done for me. I called Soban, and we met. It was a great day. It began with a Coffee and ended with a Pizza. I had been exploited before by people who knew too much of me, and I had that scar onto me, but I don’t know what it was, but something in me told me he would never exploit me. I expressed myself to him and then I asked him to make a suggestive decision.

He did make a suggestive decision for me. Knowing me from childhood, he knew I love the USA, and I love travelling, it was then when he told me that I should opt for going and presenting the paper. He was like you never know how that turnout would be. I trusted his suggestion because there are people who guide you out from the darkness and guide you to the light. He was one of those for me.”

“Yes! But they're rare.”

“Exactly! I don't know whenever things get wrong, I have this intuition that no matter what the situation is, Soban might have an answer. Therefore, it would be safe to say that, if I had to cross a busy road blindfolded with someone guiding me on voice, he would be amongst those people.

There is one more like him, I met him in Islamabad in the second semester. People have a lot of names for him, like Simba or Lala. I call him Jerry. As Jerry the mouse from Tom and Jerry!"

"Wait! What?"

"Well! This is because, like Jerry, he craves after cheese a lot. He was someone who fits in a perfect definition of someone who could be a rich brat, but he was completely opposite. He was someone I always go to when nothing else worked. No pieces of advice and no talks, just a dinner or lunch and everything, seemed okay. I had to meet him, else I wouldn't have found out how to be simple despite possessing everything, which later turned out to be one of the reasons for what I am today.

 Anyhow, things worked out, and soon, I was in the United States of America. I presented my paper, and everyone loved it, and with it, I travelled all across America. From San Diego to San Francisco to Los Angeles. I visited those dream places: from the Googleplex to Stanford. Googleplex was a dream within a dream for me. Every inch of that building is crafted with the most exceptional craftsmanship. Likewise, all of that craft is still painted on the canvas of my mind. I mean for an architect, it might not be a great piece of architecture, but for me, it was. Still today I had a reminiscence of it all over again.

I met new people and broaden my horizons of cultures and traditions. I met people from South Korea, from Chile, from Argentina, from Columbia, and from Japan. I mean, I learned so much from them. We exchanged culture and created memories that would always be nostalgic for each one of us. It’s an experience that’s on the canvas of a memoir than it's on a piece of paper because no matter how learned I will ever be, I would never have words to describe it.

Coming towards the end of my trip, in Phoenix, Arizona. This city has changed me and made me better, probably one of the reasons for my success.”

“Phoenix? The city? Isn’t it just a misty old desert with cactus all over?.”

“I know, but it did change me. Here I met with Danyal, Soban’s brother, who was more like a guiding voice from the phone and wanted me to visit and I did. Those were the 10 most highlighted days of my life. He stayed close to his in-laws, and the way they treated me because I was related to Danyal through Soban was just overwhelming. I mean my own aunts didn't treat me that way.

Then came in Danyal, he took me more like a brother. I don't remember a single day when I even touched my wallet and in fact once he got angry when I offered to rub my purse. I mean I was amazed, I wondered, 'these kinds of people exist'. It was then I set them as role-models and I wanted to be as good as them, and I came to know them because of Soban. Lol! Sometimes I wonder how come, someone, this good is so ego-less and straightforward? But I barely get an answer.

Well, after Phoenix, I went to New York, and the moment I stepped out of JFK, I fell in love with that place. Everything about that city was excellent sites, people and Subways. I had a love at first sight with that city. Be it that ferry ride to Staten Island or having to see the Statue of Liberty. Brooklyn, Queens, and Manhattan there is not one thing I would change about the perfection, New York is.”

“No wonder you settled here.”

“Yes! This city has more to it than just ball-drops and Times Square. It has every culture, every tradition, and if you want to be a true new-yorker. Well, nothing can stop you. The city takes in everyone and doesn’t differentiate on caste, culture, creed, and color.”

“True!”

“Well, things moved, I got back, but I had that hidden desire within me. Being once in the US wasn't enough. I wanted to see more, but I know it will never happen again having that desire I thought I left it for good.

Reaching Pakistan, things were different. I got my book published, started my YouTube channel and wrote a script for a film. Whenever I felt low, I had my people to guide me. I worked hard on freelance and YouTube. Soon, those faces who had a voice against me settled. But that didn’t last long. I fell through the wall of demons again. Everything came back and once again, I was at the lowest of the sine curve.

Amongst all the people, I was brutally close to my sister. She was someone, I am always looking up to when I had to share something which I cannot share with anyone else in my family. Although we are a year apart, with me being former and her being later, that gap never came in between us. Whenever either one of us is low, the other works hard to cheer the other up even when we are in a state when we don’t want to talk to someone. That relationship between her and me always kept me going even in times of extreme failures and lows.

Now, I wouldn’t say that she is an excellent cook or an amazing housekeeper, but man, she is sensible. At times her maturity out-beats me. At times only she knows how to calm my nerves down. Maybe it’s that brother-sister connection, or perhaps it’s something else, but I knew for sure it was that connection that drove me and kept me up all that time.”

“You’re telling me a story or just about yourself, it’s hard to decide.”

“Now, that time made me a firm believer in Newton’s third law: for every force, there is a reaction force which is equal in magnitude but opposite in direction’.

“Wait! What?”

“Let me explain, for every bad experience I had, I had an equal and opposite good experience. If I met people that tried to exploit me, I met people that came in to protect me. You see! For every force acting onto me, there was always a reaction force acting against, which were opposite to the force, but were equal in magnitude to maintain a perfect equilibrium.”

“Woah! That does make sense.”

“One such example is of someone I met in the era of waiting-for-dream. That person was not like me or anything or instead was someone utterly opposite to people I have met. Let’s call him the moon. Well, that’s something he likes to call himself or something he craves after. He was different because we never became friends all the time. At the same time, I was doing my bachelors, but we were inseparable after it. See, waiting-for-dream job era was a bad experience for me, but that did give me a friend I never thought I would have. He tried to hook-me-up with a bunch of interviews and accompanied me to that dream job. I mean we sat on that ship together, but none of us had a good sail on it. I saw him fall, and I helped him got-up, and that taught me more about me and guided me. There are some people who you met, just to understand yourself better and Mohsin is one of those. He is someone who came close to me in a brief period. He is one of the only two people who ever wrote something about me.

Every character in a story is an important one, no matter if they are protagonists or antagonists. Still, some people make the story relevant, they were these characters. They not only make a story essential, but they make a story meet with other accounts to make it a great tale. It was something like that, and I met with two new friends, and though initially they were cared-of Soban but are now an integral part of my life and hence from now I can proudly say I have two more great friends.

Saud and Sohaib, they have been amongst the list of advisors. Saud is there for nothing but lightening the mood with a lame yet dirty comment. Sohaib is there for a nut bolt hardcore serious advice and also to learn cuss words that I am sure I would never learn from any other source. I mean at that time we didn’t have a vast collection of hours and minutes, but no matter what, that would be the best time of my life.

Sometime later, Soban asked me to try and apply for MS in the US and naturally, we got admitted, but things aren’t always how we looked at them? The visa played its game, and while I got mine, Soban didn’t. I wanted to do this, but not alone. I mean I had done it earlier while I was going to Islamabad, but that was easy as I didn't have friends and was depressed. Still, now I had everything I needed, and I wanted to opt-out of it. Everyone wanted me to go, but I didn’t until that long sitting, where questions were asked, some questions were answered, and eventually, I stood up and made a decision to leave. It was hard, but it had to be done.

It took 21 hours of flight for me to reach the US and those 21 hours were like most traumatic, in my brain, I still battled and question myself as to why I am going to the US, but I did go with it. I landed in Chicago and with a new hope I stepped into Concordia University Chicago for an orientation.”

“Wow! So what's next?”

“Well, things don’t always work the way we hoped them too, but eventually everything that happens happens for a reason. It’s either to make you stronger, stranger and better or either to give you a taste of bitter life to admire the sweetness of it later. Life would always present you with people and options, it’s just that it’s up to you to choose how to want life to be.”

“That’s true on so many levels!”

“You know I don't think there are antagonists and protagonists in life?”

“What?”

“Yes! A person is his own protagonist and antagonist. I mean in all those situations where I had a low, I was my own antagonist. Nobody asked me to wait for the job and not take any opportunity, it was me. Life always presents you with two equal opportunities. It’s us who make them either be our protagonist or antagonist, but always remember there will be an equilibrium. So no matter what you choose, it would have a reaction force acting against it with the same magnitude but opposite in direction.

“Well! Okay! What happened next?”

 

“Well, for now, I would just get off here as the venue is right in front of me.”

“Yeah! But I want to hear more. What happened? How did you eventually end up at Ted Talk?”

“Well, for that you'd have to see the talk.”

“Man! You’re kidding me! Okay. You’re leaving me all curious.”

I laughed, “Nice to meet you, buddy! Have a nice day”.

“You too!”

It was then when I left the Uber and hoped my speech would create an impact on those who are attending the Ted talk.